This week introduced me to two very enriching experiences. I attended two differently planned but similar bachelor events for two friends who are about to tie the knot.
Now before I go on, let me put this as a disclaimer: I’m seriously struggling to find a term that encompasses these types of events without being misunderstood to implying somethings else. Pardon my failure to adequately express myself in the Queen’s language. It’s embarrassing considering that I actually teach this stuff. The best i can do for now is to describe them briefly.
The first one, on Sunday, was a bar-b-que event, where invited guests were asked to bring a financial contribution (like it’s dome at Kitchen parties these days). There were some guests speakers who made presentations on specific topics, in a very interactive and fun way. The food was awesome!
The second one, on Thursday, was a less formal meet-up for a close friend. It was a smaller event, held at a famous restaurant in the city, with no special guest speaker, but just the guys, having fun, interacting and getting deep too . And as you may have guessed, the food was awesome too!
I hope by now you are seeing why I am struggling to find a single term to describe such events. If you know one, please share. But this is this is what got me: In all my christian life, this was the first time I had ever heard of such deliberate christian gatherings. Maybe I just have few friends, maybe I just haven’t been around, maybe I’m still in the past, but seriously, this was the first time. If any of these maybe’s are true, forgive my ignorance.
This got me wondering: what do christian soon-to-be grooms do? What events or activities, christian-themed, do christian men participate in before they marry?
My intention is not to ignite some gender debate or anything of that sort. I would, instead, like to learn what you know happens or what your thoughts are on my question above. I would be interested to hear from you.
I thought I should share some thoughts that one of the speakers at the first event gave. I have heard this man speak on many occasions (he was once my boss too, though I was way at the bottom of the chain). In whatever the setting, I have appreciated what he has had to share. On Sunday, he spoke on the subject of marriage as a life long commitment.
He quoted an American comedian, Rita Rudner, who once joked that “in Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts [fresh] milk” to draw our attention to the fact that divorce is real and that either one of the parties in a marriage have the power to either make or break it.
Part of the presentation asked the question: “What should you do in order to avoid divorce?”
Let me borrow from the presentation and share a suggested formula or process that may help:
- Step 1: Learn what DESTRUCTIVE ingredients tear a relationship apart.
- Step 2: Look at what CONSTRUCTIVE ingredients make a relationship succeed.
- Step 3: Eliminate the destructive ingredients one by one.
- Step 4: Add the constructive ingredients one by one.
- Step 5: Rinse and repeat this process as your circumstances change.
I think these steps are revolutionary. They can be applied in any aspect of life other than marriage. A friend who I attend the first event with shared, at the second event, how he followed these steps in his work process and found that he was more productive at work than ever. Amazing!
At this moment, i risk making this blog post very long. But I beg your indulgence. Let me share something else very important I picked up on preventing divorce.
These are 5 steps to help to prevent or stop divorce from happening in ones marriage, as shared by our speaker:
- Do not be afraid to make the first move. Do not wait for your spouse to make the first move to save your marriage because while you are waiting for them to initiate the process, you could be losing them. Being the first to apologize or initiate conversation is not a sign of weakness. And being right is not all that good if you end up divorced. Making the first move is a tangible sign of your commitment to the marriage. Your actions may be the one thing that saves your marriage.
- Listen and learn. In spite of the things you will want to say or defend, listen to what your spouse will be trying to tell you. A moment of listening may alleviate hours of miscommunication or misunderstanding about what the real issues are and how you can heal them.
- Be willing to make changes. Every crisis will be an opportunity to take a look at yourself and the relationship and make some changes. It might mean a change of jobs, a change of home or town, and a commitment to living your dream life instead of your current life. An ability to see changes with an open mind will pay dividends for the long-term success of your marriage.
- Think and talk solutions. One of the real challenges of married life will be considering and discussing solutions to the problems that will plague your marriage. Approach your problems with a creative and solutions-based mind-set rather than sweeping your problems under the carpet.
- Invest in the relationship. Being in a relationship can be exhausting but it can also be competitive. By investing your time and efforts into your relationship, and working on being the best husband.
As a young groom myself, barely 10 months in marriage, not years, months… (congratulate me), the idea of the D-word is dreadful, even to just think about. That is why I found these thoughts very helpful and I hope by sharing, someone will find some life-changing insights that will impact them for the better, till kingdom comes.