Valentine’s messages should be funny and true

I dislike mushy things that don’t make sense. Love messages that are copied and pasted from popular love songs that defy all forms of logic. “I would travel to the end of the earth just to find you”, really? How are you going to do that when you don’t even have enough money to travel to a neighboring country? Mushy stuff just doesn’t make sense for me. Valentine’s day is when the world is a giant playground box of mushy quicksand. Everyone’s talking about love in all those out-of-this-world descriptions they don’t even understand like “You are the apple of my eye”. What does that even mean? (I don’t even want to know what it means)

Imagine my pleasure when in my travels around the internet, I stumbled upon valentine’s messages that were so true and funny I could have sworn they picked them right out of my mind. These…